Dazed encounters

The person in front of me curiously cocked his head when i told him i got lost in my thoughts as though he was judging me, which i absolutely hated, "is there some problem? Have i got something on my face or are you just stupid?", I don't know why i was getting mad, it's just that the way he looked at me was too judgmental for me to handle. Growing up my relatives and family were judgmental and their ways of telling their opinions was toxic, so to me any person who even looks at me like i'm not capable of anything or something is just triggering.

   "i- didn't mean to offended you, you just looked quite puzzled?", he told me questioning whether i was in my right mind. "I'm fine, thank you.", was all i said in the manner of someone who was ice cold because in reality that side of me was always under the surface. I walked out of the cafe pushing aside the boy who made me mad so early in the day and i sighed as i walked the few blocks i needed to, to get to my university. Lexi should be in college with me but she graduated early with her heart set on her future outside of anything studies related, so i'm quite lonely while i'm in University but i don't really mind because i'm just comfortable being on my own. The company of others that i don't really know irritates me if i'm being honest, not because of the person but just because i struggle trying to be perfect around them. Perfection is something i know i cannot achieve but pretending to be that way, although hard is just what i'm used to.

  My first class was only in the afternoon but i got to my destination earlier to use the music room, a place that's rarely used by people other than me. The music room in our university has everything i need including the relaxing atmosphere and instruments too. I use this room often when i need to practice my music and writing, or just need to relax. Like i said before i have my secret career in the music industry with Lexi as my manager. I haven't signed to a record company because nothing really suits for me. There are many problems i'd face if i had signed to a record company, the main ones being my freedom as a creator, my identity and i just feel it would completely change the outcome of my own creations. Although i have quite a following my identity is a secret as i wear a mask that me and Lexi created, in our old lives. The soul purpose of keeping my identity a secret is so that nobody would try to recognize me as anything else but me, my personality and talent. I don't want to be judged by physical features and i don't want to risk the memories of the people who knew me to come back, it shouldn't be possible but i'm always cautious.

  I spent about two hours in the music room until i realized i would be late to class if i didn't get going now. I'm studying as an english major just like i wished i would as a kid. I won't lie it does feel good to be able to choose what i want to do and to have my angel brothers to help me as i go through everything in my mundane life. Sometimes, especially when i'm indulging in my music, i forget what i have to do as half an angel. My missions that i have to accomplish with my supernatural side is really draining but i chose to do it because i felt i owed it to the world and its a way i can watch over the people i wish to while on earth. As i think about all of this i remember the dream i had this morning, i have to go see my brothers who i wouldn't say i've been avoiding but just haven't seen them in awhile because of Markus. Ugh, Markus, that dream what does it mean?

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