Way of fear

The nightmare moon filled the entire garden with its light without enlightening it at all. My breathing was strangely obstructed by something that I couldn't see but could feel, I felt suffocated.

Sitting in the bathroom, leaning against the wall, next to the closed door. In my nightmares I saw demons chasing me, they found me everywhere I went and I heard them say “He already found out”. Half awake and half asleep I remembered their voices, my head bobbed as I tried to get out of the nightmare but my dream dragged me.

In order not to be reached by my fear and to prevent them from catching the others I had to be the bait, and they chased me until I mounted another nightmare.

In this one, I recognized someone dear, and I saw him as if he were myself. By the time this my nausea subsided and shaking too. He was preparing something in the kitchen, dried his hands with a kitchen towel, and soon heard the doctor say that the patient was sick. Bad or worse, I don't remember what term he used but what he meant. He was concerned and provided the doctor with everything he needed. The patient was his mother.

From this boy whom I previously knew I learned that his mother had died giving birth to him, He was always a good person, without emotional crises or mental problems, but with his original personality and created by him since he had his conscience. He had no mother and neither did he grow up with his father, since he was a child he was responsible for his education. We had never seen him cry because he was always a serious and even cold person, and mature for his age. Seeing him cry in my nightmares devastated me. But he knew he would lose his mother a second time, and it killed me.

I saw him hiccup from crying, sad, or maybe a little more empty. Losing his identity, his last name, his family, and his home, he lost the joy of his life.

Waking up from a nightmare is not a victory, because it took a lot from you in a simple dream, it took from you what cannot be recovered. To wake up from a nightmare is to flee from the fear that at first led us to the dream. We wake up alone in bed, with sweat, or sometimes tears in our eyes. Crying only reminds us why we do it, our heavy breathing and paranoid ideas send us back to bed.

I just want to sleep in his arms, reconcile his pain and go back to being his whole life. I'd rather go into his nightmares and hold his hand, just to appease his loneliness. I don't forget the day and its light, I want to love him all his days.

You are special and misunderstood, I am sorry that you had to go through so much and without feeling anything.

I love each of your shapes and colors. With love, to Uriel H.

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