Chaotic way

I was never afraid of anything, I never thought why.

A woman lived in my house, she was strange. She was alien to me. She sat at the window to smoke, the smell of her cigarette was always impregnated in her scarf. She crossed her legs left over right, my gaze always went up from the floor of his footwear to the entire collar of her glamorous boots. Whenever she came to my father's house, she used to make me remove her boots, then light a cigarette and smoke twice; one in the afternoon and one at night.

Her voice was strange, probably from the wear on her throat from so many cigarette cases in her life. I was scared, she was scary. But sometimes she gave me sweets, or bought me clothes, her friends said that I was very handsome and she said “—I have him in my house for a reason”.

She got up very late, if she got up at one in the afternoon hopefully she would give me something to eat.

She was a beautiful woman, extravagant, outgoing, noisy at times, but at home, she was just quiet. Her hair was black, like the devil's eyes. Her eyes were a peculiar brown color, a shade mixed with reddish. She used to dye her hair red, it was purple once, but she hated it.

She covered her shoulders, legs, and arms, also the crook of her neck. If she wore skirts they had to be long, and if she was going out in them she wore pants underneath. She never spread her legs or sat carelessly and inappropriately. I tried to imitate her postures, and when I didn't, she corrected me.

She was a cold woman, she liked to eat ice cream on freezing nights, she didn't care about the time at all, she stayed up until one in the morning watching movies that were in black and white. I took advantage of their habits to stay awake until that time or eat ice cream when the streets were wet from the recent rain. I didn't dislike her in that regard.

Once I saw her cry, I was very surprised, I didn't know that she had feelings, or that she was human. More than shocking or painful, it was a moment of fear, in which I didn't know if she was going to do something to me because she felt bad. Once she told me that if I didn't collect all my toys she would give me to an unknown gentleman, she said that because she was angry. When she was sad I thought she would leave me alone forever.

To some extent, I must admit that I needed it. Touching her skirts or sleeves made me feel more confident, I was shy, and I was very scared the first day of school, I hid behind the tall woman who lived with me. Or when a huge dog for me is short because of my young age, he came up to me to take my sandwich. I died of fear, but it was true that running to her calmed me, calmed my impatient mind.

I don't know how many things she taught me, to this day all her words seem funny to me, but I still treasure her face. When I didn't see her again, I needed her scent close by, I felt insecure not having it, I always looked for it in all the perfume bottles in the stores, I never found it.

“Never let someone bother you -she says-, never let someone mistreat you, never let someone try to divide the family, never let someone beat your brothers”. I prophesied to her the greatest fear I ever felt in my life, I never feared anything else. But she was a good memory.

I love you mom, my crazy and irresponsible but unforgettable mother.

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