Some way

In some way, the world is hard. In some way, the world is generous.

Someone once told me: “Life is beautiful, look at it for what it is, not for those around you”.

I never lived for anyone, nor did I get carried away by the feeling that someone caused in me. That set me free, and I allowed myself to meet amazing people. Life with them was beautiful.

I sigh sometimes and remember those strange and beautiful days. That summer feeling...With the sky clear, without a cloud in sight, the sun is pleasant but it does not burn, you feel energetic but you do nothing, the wind is delicate and it is silent, although you can hear the trees shaking by the wind and some animals like birds, no human voices are heard but the world does not feel empty, just comforting.

I am a fan of the world, I am a fan of children who are carefree and innocent, I am a fan of teenagers who continue to do crazy things and live to the extreme despite not always feeling well, I am a fan of those elderly couples in the parks who, despite time, continue to love each other and do together what they did for the first time since they were children.

I am not alone, because I have friends and family, but the calm that constantly presents itself in my days makes me feel frozen in time. It's nice, but somehow I feel sad, because one day it's true that death will separate me from everything I love, yet I'm not afraid of eternal rest.

I'm still young, how funny it is to think of the end even just starting everything. Maybe it's because I'm bored. I would like to do more interesting things, at least music gives me great ideas and feelings.

I am not looking for love, I consider that I already love myself enough; I am not looking for peace, I know that the noise of my playlist fills me with security and tranquility; I'm not looking for friendship, because wherever I go, I do not lose the memory of my dear friends from the past who continue to leave today. I suppose I am looking for a future, although I have no idea what to look for nor do I feel excited about doing so.

Oh God, there are so many things I want to say. I want to say them no matter what they will answer. In my mind, I found what I never said.

A lost "I love you", an ineffable "I forgive you", a modest "I love you brother", and a hidden "thank you, mother".

I live in a desert of memories buried in the burning sand of my heart, without tears capable of crying, without a way to find a direction without being erased by the wind, whom I consider my own life.

I do not live with the heart or with the mind, I can fly with my soul higher than the eagle.

I'm free, and I'm glad I can be, thank you.

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