Never enough (Kaeya angst)

"Dad no don't leave me! I'm scared!" little Kaeya screamed out loud, shivering, as he watch his father walking away slowly disappearing into the dark, cold woods. Kaeya, who is still too young to be in the wild, just sit there and waited patiently for his father to come back.

It's been 5 days since Kaeya saw his father, but instead he kept on waiting, he was hungry, thirsty but managed to wait for his father, out of all luck, a group of hilichurls passed by, Kaeya was so scared that he didn't know what to do, he ran as far away as his sore feet could take him but he accidentally stumbled upon a large tree root, his knee was scraped, he thought he got those hilichurls away but what he didn't know is he was chased down, when the hilichurls saw him at the ground, they attacked attacked poor Kaeya, they would hit him with a wooden club and burn his skin with the pyro slimes they throw. Before he pass out, he saw a hint of fire coming into the hilichurls' way and the next thing Kaeya knew, he fell down on the ground.

Kaeya woke up in a cool warm bed, which in a way he has never experience in his nation, Khaenri'ah, he gently looked beside him and saw a redhaired boy that by the looks of it, he is just as same as his age, he also has a pair of beautiful red eyes, the boy waved in front of him, trying to catch it's attention

"Hello! you must be the boy my father was talking about! Hi I'm Diluc! What's your name?" The boy said while extending a hand for Kaeya, of course Kaeya's a little startled, he doesn't know where he was, he was about to go when Diluc stopped him "woah woah where are you going? Father told me to not let you go not until he comes home" Diluc demanded but Kaeya was stubborn "I need to go back! My father- I need to go back please!"

The boys suddenly looked at the door when they heard that it slowly opened, it popped out Crepus, who is been told, is Diluc's father. Diluc ran up to his father and hugged him and as for Kaeya, he stood up out of bed and begged to Mister Crepus to take him back where he found him, but sadly, he didn't let him

"young lad, I took you here because I think your guardian abandoned you" Crepus said out of nowhere that made Kaeya charge him "no! you're lying! he would never do that! he loves me! I-i'm his only son!" Kaeya said out loud, pouring his heart over to a stranger he just met, Diluc and Crepus were too stunned to speak because they both knew what happened to Kaeya in the woods the day they found him. Diluc sighed and approach Kaeya who is now too hurt to even move a single muscle, he was too hurt to even look at them. Diluc sat beside Kaeya and gently patted him on the shoulder, trying to explain his situation. Kaeya can't say a word, that made Mister Crepus and Diluc sigh, Kaeya gently laid on the bed and trying to understand what's going on but he just can't take it, it's too much to take.

Mister Crepus gave him a sweet smile before asking him the words "if you're okay with it, I can be your father and Diluc here can be your brother"

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But those were years ago, it's been a few years since he last saw Diluc's smile, it's been years since he last talked to their father, It has been a few years since he last called Diluc, "brother." it's been years since he smiled without any pain

After the death of their father, Diluc kicked him out of the house, saying that it's his fault why their father died, he even mentioned that, that's why Kaeya was thrown off the woods it's all because of his bad luck

"I wish I never met you! You're a disgrace! I wish my father never saved you! I wish he just let you out in the woods to die!"

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"Kaeya why are you staring at the small lamp grass?" Amber asked as she saw Kaeya out in the woods, he was supposed to be clearing out hilichurls camps but he accidentally stopped to stare at small lamp grass that was on the ground, as if it brought him fresh wave of memories of him and Diluc, Amber couldn't blame him though, she clearly knew what happened to the brothers, she can't even deny that Kaeya was always at the tavern so he could see his brother. Amber feel sorry for what Kaeya had gone through, even though how hard his life is, he continued to smile as if he doesn't even had any problems. That's why Diluc is so mad at him, Kaeya's cheery attitude has somehow annoyed Diluc everytime he's walking into the tavern, he hates how much Kaeya smiles despites on what he has gone through

Until one day, Diluc prepared a bottle of wine at the counter and waited for the customers to leave because that's usually the time wherein Kaeya comes in for a drink but a few hours came and still, there was no sign of Kaeya entering his tavern, neither even a shadow

Diluc was so confused why he didn't showed up, the thought of Kaeya not showing up made Diluc wonder all night, he can't sleep jus because Kaeya didn't show up, he just thought that maybe he's just a little busy, after all the Knights were already insufficient as it is

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"wait what?! he's gone?!" one of the maids screamed, making Diluc woke up in a quite shock, he was wondering what happened, quite irritated, he went down stairs with a natural messy hair with pajamas, he was yawning but he isn't too dumb to realized what the maids were talking about

"I heard that Sr Kaeya's smile is fake" one of the maids said but Diluc ignored it, who cares if Kaeya's smiles were fake, he still kept his thought that Kaeya was the reason why his father died

Diluc was making grape juice when one of the maids mentioned something he know, that will never become true

"I heard that Sr Kaeya's already dead and no one has ever known, so maybe that's why he didn't show up at the tavern last night"

"I heard that Master Diluc wished him dead 4 years ago"

Diluc froze in place and his eyes widen when he heard that, he accidentally drop the glass containing his grape juice and went straight to the maids "w-what did you say?"

The maids are in complete shock, but they know they couldn't take their word back, it was all true, Diluc froze the moment he heard that because it reminded him of their first fight

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"I wish I never met you! You're a disgrace! I wish my father never saved you! I wish he just let you out in the woods to die!"

"I never wished to be born! I wish I was in Father's position right now do you understand?!"

Kaeya was shocked when he felt something painful in his stomach, turns out Diluc was the one who punched him. He was kneeling down when Diluc kicked his face, leaving him in the ground "I wish you're dead" were the last words Diluc told Kaeya before entering the house

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Diluc suddenly got back to his room, changed his clothes and went to Ordo Favonius, he glanced at the Headquarters as if it brought fresh wave of memories, he then slowly entered and made his way to Jean's office, who is now, so busy with paperworks. He knocked on her door, as if he's asking permission to enter the room

"come in"

With hearing those words, Diluc immediately opened the door, in front of him was Jean and Lisa helping each other out. Jean raised her head, looking at Diluc as she stopped scanning the papers in her hand, she gave out a huge sigh before looking at him again "what do you need, Diluc?"

Diluc's tears escaped his eyes, his hands were shaking as he entered the room "I-i haven't saw him since-"

"yesterday, am I right?" Jean looked into Diluc as if she was so dying to tell him on what's going on

Diluc nodded, he knows that he himself can feel something wrong is about to happen but he just shook that thought off

Jean sighed heavily as she opened her drawer, taking out a small box. Diluc was confused, he wanted answers, not this box, then suddenly his anger arose

"what am I suppose to do with a box?! how is that going to answer my question?!" Diluc yelled as Lisa tried to calm him down "Where is my brother, Jean?!"

Jean was shocked, her jaw dropped when Diluc called Kaeya his "brother". She slowly walked to Diluc, with the box on her hand. She looked at him directly in the eyes. "Diluc, your brother is an excellent knight, how shame that he was always trying to smile even though he was so shattered"

Diluc went speechless after what Jean told him, he turned his attention to the small box and gathered up all his courage to speak up again "w-what's in that?"

"we.. don't know" Jean started as she handed him the box "Sr Kaeya just told us to give you that as well as this" she also drew out Kaeya's sword which made Diluc so stunned

"w-wait, then what is he using now as a weapon?!" Diluc said and Jean sighed heavily

"Diluc, I'm so sorry to inform you, but" she took a deep breath before she continued speaking "he's dead"

Diluc froze in place, his eyes were filled with tears, he doesn't believe at Jean even though he trusts her the most. He grabbed her collar and stared at her eyes 't-this isn't true! T-tell me you're lying!" Diluc pleaded but Jean avoided his eyes and now, staring at the ground. Diluc let go of her and fell to his knees, Lisa went beside him as she was trying to comfort him, Jean crossed her arms, crying silently

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Diluc stared at his reflection at the mirror, he was wearing pure black as he was going to Kaeya's most favorite place in all of Mondstadt, his very own tavern. Diluc made sure he'll close the tavern the whole day to honor the death of his beloved brother. He jumped onto his horse and rode back to Mondstadt

Once he got there, he led his horse down where his tavern is located. Once he got there, he asked Charles to take away his horse for a while and as soon as he entered his own tavern, tears suddenly came running down on his face, he locked he door and he feel at his knees, crying like he didn't care if anyone outside might here him. He kept crying and crying until he heard a familiar voice

"Diluc, stop crying"

Diluc lifted up his head and looked around, he know that he's the only one in the tavern so who on earth did he heard someone as if the voice is inside. He stood up and roamed around the tavern to look for someone just in case there is someone inside. He looked every corner and he didn't found anyone, Diluc sat at one of the chairs until a familiar shadow stood in front of him and once he lifted up his head, tears once escaped his eyes, there stood Kaeya, his own brother, smiling softly at him. Diluc quickly stood up to hug his brother, but as he went to hug him his eyes teared up once more

He can't touch Kaeya no more...........

Frozen in place, Diluc managed to look at his brother who is still smiling at him "Diluc" Kaeya started as he walked towards his brother "I know you hate me because I'm always smiling but did you once think that every smile I show costs more than a thousand tears?" Kaeya's tears escaped his eyes "Diluc, I don't let anyone show how weak I am cause they know me as a flirty, happy-go lucky man, they can't see me in this condition.."

Diluc finally understood why Kaeya has to smile all the time, he knelt down again and held his head "you've been suffering because of me" he looked down on the floor, avoiding eye contact as he let his tears fall "I'm sorry that I wasn't the best brother Kaeya, I'm so sorry"

Kaeya knelt down in front of Diluc, assuring him it's all right but no matter how hard he tries, Diluc is still convincing himself that it was all his fault

"Diluc, Kaeya called out, cupped his face and wiped his tears, he replied "thank you for everything, thank you for the trill and thank you for the shared happy memory, please be happy and smile always from now on" Kaeya managed to say as he slowly disappeared in front of Diluc who is know laying on the tavern floor, crying his heart out

-end-

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