MEMORIES (BL)

My name is Isaac.

I'm 21 years old.

I wanted to share what happened to me two years ago.

I found out that I'm a gay at the age of 16.

I was scared to come out as the person I loved was my best friend.

We were friends since childhood.

We had a group where we were five friends and I was more closer to him..

His name is Chris.

He is so handsome.

His starry blue eyes, golden hair, straight lined nose and dark rose lips were always so beautiful even now it's so beautiful..

I was nervous to lose him and the friend circle.

So, I kept silent.

I thought I would only wanted to stay with him, that was enough for me. But the desire inside me kept asking for more.

I wanted to walk beside him, locking our hands together.

Looking at each others eyes smiling. Just like the other couples. But it was like a dream for me, a gay.

When I was eighteen years old, everyone were busy celebrating our graduation from school.

I got good grades even though I'm not that much of a genius. And I had been admitted to s college. I went there just because he was applying for it too.

During the celebration, I only had my eyes on him.

He was talking and laughing with our other friends.

He got drunk.

He wasn't himself, when he came inside the room where I was staying.

I knew it.. Even though I didn't stop him. It was what I actually craved for so many years.

Next day when he woke up, he said he was sorry and he did wanted to make up for his mistake.

That's how we started dating.

I still hadn't told him that I had a crush on him for years.

What if I told him that? Will he walk away from me saying it was all my mistake?

That's what I thought.

We dated for one year.

It wasn't known by anyone else.

He wanted to stay low.

He..

He wasn't even sure if he was a gay or he loves me.

But still I wasn't ready to let him go.

So, I just gave him time.

One day,

It was a Christmas Eve.

I thought we will spend it together.

But he had to go back to his house.

I said ok.

Even though I didn't wanted him to go, I can't be clingy. Right? What if he dumped me because of it?

My insecurities were just killing me.

He called me.

Said he was driving.

I said ok.

Then he said he had thought it for so long already.

I was nervous because what if he decides to dump me?

I said "its ok, you don't have to reply now".

What was in my mind that even if he don't likes me, I.. I can stay little longer with him.. If he didn't say 'NO' right now. Correct?

But for my surprise he said, he loves me.

At first I couldn't even believe in my ears

"What?" I asked.

"I love you Idiot! For all this time I spent with you was awesome".

he again repeated. Now I completely got what he said. I was really happy too.

I gave a small gap before I spoke.

"I-"

Before I could say "I love you too" I heard a loud sound of car crashing.

I didn't knew what was happening.

Until I was informed that he got in to an accident and is now hospitalised.

When I went there, I saw his family and our friends.

I called him.

"Chris -"

But he asked me "Who are you?"

What a...

I don't know what did I do in my life that bad to receive this punishment from God.

Doctor said he lost his memories.

He doesn't remember any of us then.

He doesn't even remember my name, then what will happen if I say we were lovers?

No one except us knew that we were lovers..

No one knows it.

Even if I tell him that, what evidence do I have to give him?

I began to retire my self from our friends group.

Slowly and slowly I made myself distant from them.

I even stopped going to college.

I went back home which was in the village.

My parents...

They were really angry at me first.

But slowly they also started to know that something was wrong with me.

I was going through depression...

I...

Sometimes I even thought what if the things that I think I have done with Chris haven't even happened?

What if I'm being delusional?

What if it was all my wishful thinking?

Because there wasn't anyone who could agree with me in the case that I have been dating Chris for an year.

Not even Chris.

Now, I'm being discharged from this asylum.

Mom said, my friends were coming to see me.

Will...

Will Chris be there too?

Will he recognize me? Or have he already got a lover?

I don't know anything.

Car sound is heard.

I think they are here.

I looked at the mirror.

I saw the young me in it.

The me who was still sixteen and realised that I was a gay and I loved my best friend.

I'm just the same... Even though years have passed.

The one who changed is you..."Chris"...

If it's possible,

I would like to lose my memories about you too..

If it's possible...

I would want to be in your place..

Like that, I won't have to be this sad...

-End

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