4

PoV SVAHA

That was close.

After Laung's car disappeared from the yard of my rental room, I sat down on the sofa with an unusually long inhale and exhale that was enough to deplete the oxygen level in my room.

Secretly my fingers lightly touched my cheek—this is where Arkana used to kiss me before we parted. Wondering why today was different when she did it before leaving.

I'm expecting her. Oh, that can't be.

Maybe I'm just not used to it. Not yet? Does that mean I'll get used to it? I can't hope so. After all, there are a lot of sacrifices I have to make if I let this feeling live.

I shook my head. Remembering my upturned shirt, I took it off. Then I imagined how it felt when Arkana's thin fingers were on top of my ***** body. My gaze was concentrated on the claw wound on my stomach.

I touched it. Follows every stroke, like a sculptor in his work.

I touched myself. Last night's events flowed like clear and swift river water. The memory washed over me, giving off a chilling sensation of relief.

I almost screamed.

While resetting my breath, I put on my clothes and dry my hands as well.

After feeling calm, I woke up and immediately looked for my phone. The sound of the alarm helped me navigate its location.

"Here you are." I took her phone under the pillow. Transferring annoyance to the rectangular and flat inanimate object. I quickly grabbed my phone and turned off the alarm.

There have been six missed calls belonging to Cantra since last night. Without thinking, I called him again.

"Honey," I called before the other voice could say hello.I paused for a moment, then nodded twice even though she wasn't looking at me. "Yes, Arkana is gone. Laung picked her up earlier."

***

Cantra arrived when my room was open. After a confusing night, I decided to open the door wide. Hoping a little feng-shui can change my bland mood. I had time to clean and greet the garbage collector. And, like a bewildered garbage man, Cantra put on a strange look as he entered.

"What disaster?" Cantra asked as she approached me. She pulled up his hair to dry the sweaty nape of her neck. Then she shrugged.

"I am cleaning," I replied, still rubbing the top of the coffee table in front of the sofa. I didn't look at her at all.

Cantra's snort sounded very disdainful. She took a closer look at me, hugging me from behind.

"What sin did you do last night? Until you do a clean-up on this very rare holiday?"

I flinched at her words, turning to look at her but forgetting to control my face."Isn't it obvious?" I asked, half-joking half wary.

"Usually, you'd be lying there reading a four hundred-page book." Cantra pointed to the sofa.

I shrugged, "I'm out of reading material."

"Then," Cantra cupped her hand on my cheek, "Read me,"

YES!

The sentence flowed like a dialogue from one of the adult novels translated by women which were specially written to develop emotional experiences and the wild side of nerdy women who are poor in socializing.

I couldn't help but smile when I heard the sentence that seventy-five percent of it was a sigh.

"What do you want, honey?" my voice softens.

"Teasing you,"

"Just teasing me?"

Cantra nodded. She was silent for a second, kissed me for two seconds. After realizing that I was thinking the same lewd thing as her, Cantra crawled towards the front door. She pushed the door, locked it.

"Now I will rape you." she teased.

"Oh my gosh." I dodged, "Ask properly, of course, I'll gladly give it all away."

"Oh my gosh." Cantra sneered.

But she didn't stop. Her fingers began to crawl up my chest, then hang on my collarbone.

"Here?" My eyes swept across the living room, then bit my lip.

She nodded.

"I haven't showered, I'm sweating, I,"

Cantra stopped my sentence, making the words yawn into a sigh. And the noise blends in with the weather. The air suddenly warms over our skin.

Cantra crawled like a spider over me.

Her breath brushed against my face, the smell of alcohol dragging oxygen—into my nostrils, the rest stinging my eyes. But unlike usual, I inhaled the poison as greedily as I could.

She didn't let my pores sleep. Even though she doesn't have eyes, her fingers already know my body. Cantra guides the fat worm in her mouth, exploring the rows of bones in my shirt.

I'm silent. I let Arkana do what she wants. She's drunk, it's not her fault. Let me take a sip of the alcohol later. So when morning comes, we won't blame each other.

Sound waves with a strange frequency scratched my eardrums suddenly, making my nerves throb. Cantra is pretty good at entertaining.

Arkana is a woman who is good at torturing.

But the torment, Impossible! I like it.

I am a liar!

"Ar—Cantra, Cantra. Stop it." I hug my lover tightly. Worried about hurting her feelings. Though I wouldn't say if it wasn't her I was imagining. Almost.

Cantra came back from her magic cradle, she kissed me. Twice.

"Are you ill? Looks like the floor isn't a good choice," she complained about her knee pain later.

I smile. "Maybe the original."

"Conventional. Oh, we really are boring," she grumbled, this time without a hint of disappointment.

While leading Cantra over to the bed, I cursed myself. I cursed my consciousness. Cursing my lack of concentration. I cursed my openness. Why didn't I just admit it earlier? I can just apologize, blaming the booze. Then pretend to be sorry. I can just kiss her feet and said I love you at least three times.

But what if Cantra can't forgive me, what if she leaves me? Can I face this alone? Facing what? Don't I like it? I didn't reject it. I want it. And I didn't encourage Arkana to start either.

Was deciding to talk to Arkana later a wise move? So what? Then we'll both keep it in our secret box and never open it? Imagining the complexities that haven't happened makes my head spin.

While I can't turn back time but I don't fully regret it.

Now I have no other choice. I have to finish this one, only then will I punish myself.

With a silly gesture, I invited my lover to climb into bed. Then I followed, lying next to her."Let's repeat it one more time." I cheer myself up.

I took a deep breath. But damn it, the smell of Arkana perfume hit me again. I wish there was an earthquake so I could escape this torture—at least for now.

"Sva!" Cantra pushed me."What? Was there an earthquake?" I thought I was that great.

"Your nose is bleeding!"

Oh, shit.

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