Love is a strange thing

It can be the purest source of happiness and the greatest gift of all . . .

Or it could be the most terrible curse as it eats away all of your joy and will to live . . .

That is what Jungkook learned the hard way.

Ever since he was young, Jungkook believed that love was a lie. It was only an idea constructed by society to push the narrative of a perfect life that others could never achieve.

How could something so perfect be real?

It wasn't until he truly loved, that he realized that love was very real. But it was the farthest thing from perfect.

Love had it's ups and downs:

Love brought joy.

Love brought sadness.

Love brought beautiful memories.

Love brought heartbreak.

Love brought people together.

Love tore people apart.

Now realizing these things too late, Jungkook sat in his room thinking.

"How could I have been so stupid?"

He muttered to himself for what seemed like the thousandth time.

The one chance he had of happiness disappeared as quickly as it came.

His sleepless nights were caused by the memories he constantly tried to forget.

He still had those memories etched into his heart.

*************************************

"Jungkook, I don't know you anymore."

"What do you mean?" Jungkook growled out.

"All you do is hurt me"

"Well you deserve it" Jungkook snapped.

"You need help"

"I don't care about what you have to say!"

"I don't even love you anymore" choking sobs came out.

"What did you say?" Jungkooks voice lowered into a dangerous whisper.

Taehyung whimpered as Jungkook slowly stumbled over to him, breath filled with the stinging scent of cheap whiskey.

Jungkook pinned Taehyung against their bedroom wall.

"NO!"

"Shut up!"

"YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS JEON JUNGKOOK!"

"I don't care!"

"I KEEP TRYING TO HELP YOU!"

"Keep quiet!"

"WHY ARE YOU REFUSING MY HELP!"

"I don't need help!"

"YOU WILL REGRET THIS JUNGKOOK!" Screams of distress filled the room.

"Shut the **** up!"

"PLEASE NO-OOOOOOW!"

*************************************

That was the incident that constantly played in Jungkook's head. No matter how hard he tried, the memories continued to haunt him.

PLEASE! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Taehyung's screams were always in Jungkook's mind.

JUNGKOOK! YOU LOVE ME!!! PLEASE STOP!!!

I still love you, Taehyung.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?

I don't know, I need help.

YOU NEED ME, JUNGKOOK!!!

Yes, I know.

WHO ARE YOU?!?!

I don't even know anymore . . .

After Taehyung left, Jungkook's life became complete chaos. Instead of talking to others or seeking help, Jungkook resorted to drinking his problems away.

Alcohol wasn't strong enough . . .

Jungkook then resorted to antidepressants.

Prescription drugs weren't enough . . .

Jungkook then resorted to harder drugs.

Drugs still weren't enough . . .

Jungkook then resorted to self harm.

No matter how much he tried, the pain of hurting the only person he ever loved never went away. He was now in this downhill spiral of drugs and self destruction.

He knew he didn't have anything to live for anymore.

He took another gulp of vodka, hoping for the hundred thousandth time it would soothe the pain.

It didn't.

He took a handful of antidepressants, hoping for the hundredth time they would make him feel better.

They didn't.

He prepared a line of cocaine, hoping for the hundredth time it would help him forget about his problems.

It didn't.

Nothing helped, leaving Jungkook to wallow in his own misery.

Why am I so useless? I pushed everyone away. I don't have anyone anymor-

THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP

"OPEN UP!"

No answer came from Jungkook.

"OPEN YOUR FUCKING DOOR!!!"

Still no answer.

"JEON JUNGKOOK!!! I SWEAR TO GOD!!! IF YOU DON'T OPEN YOUR FUCKING DOOR RIGHT N-"

The door swung open.

"What do you want?" Jungkook grumbled.

"Can't you see that I am busy being miserable right now?"

Jimin gasped at the sight of his best friend.

Jungkook was visibly paler and thinner from the months of malnutrition.

Jungkook's eyes were bloodshot from his countless sleepless nights.

Jungkook's arms were littered with deep cups.

This reaction only added to Jungkook's misery.

"I see that you don't want anything to do with me either" the door slammed right in front of Jimin's face.

Jungkook leaned on the door and tried to blink back his tears as more memories rushed to his head.

*************************************

"Jungkook-ah, you know that I care more about you than anything else in the world, right?"

"Yeah, I know Tae Tae. You tell me everyday!"

Taehyung chuckled, "Good! I should be telling you more!"

"I love you" Jungkook grinned at the sight of his lover smiling.

"Promise you will love me forever, Kookie?"

"I promise."

"Forever and ever?"

"Even after that. Will you love me forever, Tae?"

"Forever and ever and ever"

The two boys collided into a sloppy kiss.

*************************************

"We were so young and foolish"

Jungkook thought to himself. If only they knew how things would actually turn out.

I don't even love you anymore.

The words cracked on his back like a whip. Times with Taehyung were the best of times and the worst of times. Jungkook desperately tried to hold on to the sweet memories he had with Taehyung. They were the only things keeping him alive at this moment.

Do you even know how much I care about you?

As if on cue, his emotions and tears suddenly poured out.

The thought of how he lost the only person he loved and cherished continued to tear away at his insides.

The pain became unbearable.

"TAEHYUNG, I'M SORRY I NEVER LOVED YOU THE WAY I PROMISED I WOULD!!!"

Jungkook wailed for the thousandth time.

Kim Taehyung.

The man he loved.

The man he hurt.

The man he treated as royalty.

The man he repeatedly tortured.

The man that helped and supported him.

The man that Jungkook raped.

Jungkook and Taehyung's relationship was toxic but neither of them wanted to admit it. Neither of them ever came to terms with the idea until Taehyung left.

With that thought, Jungkook continued to beg for forgiveness:

"TAEHYUNG, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I MISS YOU. I'M SORRY!!! PLEASE JUST LET ME STOP HURTING!!!"

Jungkook was about to go back to his drugs to attempt to lessen the pain again when a voice from outside suddenly interrupted:

"I know you are heartbroken, but keeping it to yourself won't help."

"You would never understand, Jimin."

"Keeping it to yourself will only make it hurt more."

"No one would ever understand."

"Jungkook, please tell me happened. You have been ignoring me for the past few months."

Jimin's words shook Jungkook.

"No!" Jungkook choked out.

"Please open the door and let me talk to you."

"No! If I tell you anything, you will think I am a terrible person."

"I promise I won't"

"Promises don't mean anything" Jungkook's sobs grew louder.

"That isn't true"

"He promised he would love me forever!"

"Jungkook, I'm sure he still does."

"No! He does not! I promised that I would always love and care for Tae, too"

"It seems that you still do, too."

"But I hurt him, Jimin"

"How?" Jimin asked.

"If I tell you, then I will truly have no one left in my life" Jungkook was now on the verge of collapse from his months of self destruction.

"I promise I will stay by your side."

"PROMISES DON'T MEAN ANYTHING!!!"

"This one does."

"I'VE BECOME A MONSTER JIMIN!!!"

"Trust me, I will always be your best

friend. Even after you ignored me for all of those months, I am still here."

Those words seemed to have made Jungkook suddenly start realizing that he still had his friend.

"I-I r-ra-raped hi-" Jungkook started to give out the truth.

*Thump*

*************************************

3 years later,

"Jungkookie, I know you are in a better place now.

Jimin told me everything.

I kept putting off coming here because I needed time to heal.

I never did.

I would like to say that I forgive you

But . . .

I don't.

You brought me to a place of pain and confusion.

You hurt me in ways I never thought were possible.

Why did you do such things?

Who are you?"

For once, he finally let out his bitter tears after years of suppressed emotions. Taehyung placed a flower on the gravestone and walked away. Leaving his old life of pain and anguish behind.

"I will never love you ever again."

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