Konosuba
Kazuma Satou… Welcome to the Great Beyond. I’m sorry to tell you that
you’ve passed on. It was a short life, but it’s over now.”
Those were the first words I heard upon finding myself in that bright
white room.
It was so sudden, I had no idea what was going on. There was a little desk
and a chair, like you’d find in an office. And sitting in the chair was the
person notifying me of the end of my life.
If there are such things as goddesses, the woman in front of me certainly
qualified.
She was more than just “cute” like the pop stars on TV—no human could
match her beauty.
She had long hair the translucent blue of the sea on a clear day. It gave her
a soft, gentle aura.
She looked to be about my age.
Her light-purple clothes fit perfectly, not too revealing but not hiding
anything. She was wearing what we would call a “Feather Dress,” divine
raiment like the ones in Japan’s old stories.
This beauty stared at me with eyes the same light blue as her hair,
blinking at my inability to understand what had happened.
I thought back on the last thing I could remember…
…Normally I stay locked in my room. Don’t even go to school. But today,
for once, I left the house. I wanted to get the limited Day One edition of a
popular MMO that was coming out today, so I was up earlier than usual to
claim my spot in line.
Yeah, I’m what people like to dismiss as a “hikikomori,” someone so
intensely introverted, they’ve withdrawn from society, living a life of
isolation and never leaving their room. Others call me an “MMO junkie.”
Whatever. I secured my game and was heading home to try it out, spirits
high. Then it happened.
A girl was walking ahead of me, playing with her phone. Judging by her
uniform, she was enrolled at the same school as me.
The traffic light turned green, and she stepped into the crosswalk without
even glancing left or right.
I saw the shadow loom over her.
It had to be a truck, bearing down on her at high speed.
I shoved her out of the way before I could think.
And then…
With a calm that surprised even me, I said quietly to the beautiful woman
before me:
“…Can I just ask one thing?”
She nodded. “Of course.”
“…That girl…the one I pushed out of the way. Is she alive?”
That was important to me. It was the first—and last—cool thing I’d done
in my life. If it turned out I’d been too late, that I hadn’t saved her—that
would be awful.
“Sure. She’s got a pretty bad broken leg, though.”
Thank goodness…That meant my death wasn’t in vain. I was able to do something
worthwhile with my life, even if only at the very end…
The beautiful girl cocked her head questioningly at my look of relief.
“Although, if you hadn’t pushed her, she wouldn’t have been hurt at all.”
“……Huh?”
What did she just say?!
“That tractor would’ve stopped before hitting her. Obviously. It’s a
tractor. It doesn’t even go that fast. Your dumb heroics were totally uncalled
for. Pffft…hee-hee-hee!”
She sure knew how to make a good first impression. Not.
I guess it would be rude to smack her. But I really want to.
Never mind that. There was something more important to ask.
“What did you say? A tractor? Not a truck?”
“Yes, that’s right. A tractor. You think that girl wouldn’t have noticed if
some huge truck was coming right at her? She would’ve gotten out of the
way.”
…Huh?
“Wait, so…I died getting run over by a tractor?”
“No, you died of shock. You were convinced a truck had hit you, and your
body failed. I’ve been doing this a long time, but you’re the first person I’ve
met who died in such a weird way.”
I was at a loss for words.
“Incidentally, you soiled yourself when you thought you were going to be
hit by that tractor. They took you to the nearest hospital, and all the doctors
and nurses were like, ‘Whaaat? What a loser! (LOL),’ and you died of a heart
attack without even waking u—”
I threw my hands over my ears. “Stop iiiit! Please noooo, I don’t wanna
hear it! I don’t need to hear how pathetic it was!”
She drew close to me and, with a smirk, whispered in my ear: “Your
family got to the hospital just this minute, and before they could even grieve,
they heard the cause of death and burst out laughi—”
“Stop! Stop! You’re making this up, right? No one’s ever died in such a
pathetic way!”
She stood above me and giggled as I knelt on the ground, my head in my
hands.
“All right. I guess I’ve let off enough steam for today. Nice to meet you,
Kazuma Satou. My name is Aqua. I’m a goddess who gives guidance to those
in Japan who die young. Now, then. Regardless of how amusing the
circumstances of your demise may be, you have two choices.”
This damn woman…!
All right, forget it. I had to let it go, or we’d never get anywhere.
“Option one: be reborn as a human, starting a completely new life. And
option two: live like an old geezer in a heavenly place.”
Talk about lose-lose.
“Hang on… What do you mean, ‘heavenly place’? And what is ‘living
like an old geezer,’ anyway?”
“Honestly, Heaven isn’t as great a place as you humans imagine. The
dead don’t need to eat, and nothing is ever produced in the afterlife—so even
if you wanted to cook something, there’d be no ingredients. Sorry to
disappoint you, but Heaven’s actually a real drag. No TV, no manga, no
video games. Just a bunch of dead people. And since you’re dead, you can’t
even hook up with anyone! I mean, you don’t really have a body, right? It’s
just you and a bunch of spirits sitting around sunning yourselves and making
small talk for all eternity.”
What? No paradise? No video games? That’s not Heaven. That’s Hell.
I could start over as a baby…
Hang on—are those seriously my only choices?
I was clearly dejected, but the goddess gave me a huge smile.
“You’re right. Who wants to go to a boring place like Heaven? And being
reborn isn’t so hot, either. You lose all your memories, and isn’t that
basically the same as saying you, Kazuma Satou, would cease to exist? Well!
Have I got an offer for you…”
I smelled something fishy.
She saw I was wary, but Aqua only grinned even wider.
“You like video games, right?”
And then she proudly laid out her great proposal or whatever.
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Chào mừng đến Great beyoud . Tôi xin lỗi kể đến bạn nghe điều này
2024-12-15
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