Episode 3

Although I ended my relationship with him I couldn't forget about him so easily..

It felt like as if the world around me were crumbling down and didn't feel like moving even a bit... I didn't want to eat.. Nor did I want to talk with anyone..

I stayed all by myself inside my room like a soul less person for more than a month... My friends got anxious of my condition and they took me out to hang around with them to help me cheer up..

I didn't feel like going out at first.. But because my parents were too anxious of how I have been for the last few months..

I thought I need to think about them too.. So at last I decided to hang out with my friends to ease my parents mind..

I felt a little bit better by hanging out with my friends and felt grateful for having them with me during my darkest days and help me cheer up..

Even though I felt better when I am with my friends.. Still I find myself lost in thoughts about many things..

I had thoughts like...

" What do I say when someone ask about things related to him?"

" What'll other people think about me?"

" Am I really such a bad person?"

" Why does I have to face this?"

" What do I do now?"

And so on.. As everyone knew about my relationship with him..

I was a very sensitive person regarding myself.. I didn't like others saying or thinking anything bad about me..

I thought ending my relationship with him will make people talk bad about me..

As it is today's reality where people talk groundless words without knowing about anything at all..

I felt sad and also ashamed of myself for starting such a foolish relationship with a scumbag who didn't even know how to cherish me..

I was such a fool to not know how to judge a persons character.. I blamed myself for being stupid..

Time passed by in this way..

And soon I started going to class and meet my friends because I felt better whenever I had a companion.. But when I come back home..

I still felt really lonely.. Suffocated with all kinds of thoughts..

I listened songs.. Hoping I'd feel better but it's to no avail..

And then watch dramas and other funny videos.. Thinking that I might forget about all those thoughts that were haunting me..

They helped me forget about them.. But only for a short time.. It was hopeless.. I didn't know what to do to cheer myself up..

One winter evening I even tried drinking, thinking that it could help me feel better.. But that too was just stupid.. I was able to sleep properly that night but I was still the same when I woke up..

At times I'd have crazy thoughts like wanting to end my life.. But then I also realize that I can't do that because of some crazy scumbag..

In this way the time passed by.. But I was still the same.. No change at all..

I kept a smile on my face but I was deeply hurt inside..

When time passed I didn't even know if I was faking to smile or if it was real..

I lost myself..

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