Chapter 5: Fate or curse?

I woke up with a strange and mystery stuff in my hand. I didn’t know how this happened but it’s right in my hand right now. It felt so confusing and my mind couldn’t think of anything. It was an old and dusty clock but it’s a little bit different from the one that I saw in my dream because this one seemed to be working fine just like any other clock. But still, what’s the meaning of this clock? and why is it suddenly appeared in my hand like this. Is it trying to tell me something? I had no ideas at all. I tried to do some research online and used many different ways as much as I could but nothing really makes senses to me, but it doesn’t really matter to me anymore. At least I got to her again after a very, very a long time. Even thought it’s just a dream but to me, it felt so real and I just wanted to see her again... dream or not it doesn’t really matter.Despite all those sad things happing to me, there were some stuffs which I enjoy doing while being alive as well. One of them was Kizuna event. It’s a Japanese event which being hold in our country once in a year and you could say that it’s the only time when I enjoy being alive the most. Kizuna is coming up in a few days but I’m not really hyped like I used to be any more but I still went to hang out with my friends there anyway. We went to many different places. We drank something cold, ate something spicy, forgot about everything and enjoy the whole day doing funny stuffs together. We watched Japanese traditional dance. We wrote a wish and put it on a Sakura wishing tree. We were walking though the crowded street but suddenly someone with similar figure walk pass me. I couldn’t tell who that was because there were too many people were walking there. Part of me told me that I should just keep walking but another part of me told me that she was someone that I’ve been looking for this whole time. So, I decided to follow her without letting her know. She walked slowly to there and there, back and forth. Just by looking behind her I could tell that she’s laughing and having a good time. I didn’t know why I kept following her or did I even know her before? For a moment, I felt stupid and decided to go back to where my friends were, however she suddenly turned back and we almost bump to each other as I was standing still behind her. The moment I saw her face, I finally realized why my other part told me to follow her and at the same time I also realized that why I should have never followed her in the first place. The feelings and the pain that I was trying to hold for the past years are all back to me and make me hurt even more. All the pain and memories are now back to its own place. Everything is just like two years ago. She’s beautiful as usual with her long and blonde hair. She looks healthy and fine and she smiled a lot. For ages, it’s the first time and might be the last time that I got to hear her beautiful and soft voice. It’s totally different from what I experienced inside my dream, though it’s not something sweet at all because she was saying “sorry’’ for suddenly turning back and almost bump to each other. But what make me curious the most was that she’s like a totally different person. She didn’t even remember a single thing about me or she just wanted pretend not to know me? I really wanted to say something back to her but I couldn’t even move a muscle. I couldn’t open my mouth. I didn’t have enough courage to response to her, so I ended up standing still as she was walked pass me again. I really hate myself for being this coward and I also hate myself even more for not having enough courage to face everything. Because of that, there was a question that came to mind. Is it a fate that we were able to meet each other again? or is it a curse because I have to face all those feelings again?

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