Shying Girl

“All those words mean the same thing. And you’re taking way too long to

get to the point.”

“Shut up and listen. And that’s when a girl volunteered as a candidate.

She was cute. And thus, auspiciously, the boy and girl class reps were

decided. The girl said shyly, ‘I’m looking forward to working with you this

year.’

“After that, she would come and talk to him from time to time. He started

to go, ‘Huh? Does she like me? Now that I think about it, she volunteered

after I was chosen as the boys’ rep. She comes to talk to me a lot, so she must

like me!’ It didn’t take him long to come to that conclusion. About a week.”

“That’s fast!” Yuigahama, who had been nodding and hmming, voiced

her surprise.

“You moron. Time and age gaps or whatever, none of that has anything to

do with love. So anyway, after school one day, when they were handing out

papers like the teacher told them to, he resolved to confess his feelings for

her:

“‘U-um, hey… Do you have a crush on anyone?’

“‘Huh? No!’

“‘Come on, if you’re saying it like that, I know you do! Who is it?’

“‘Who do you think?’

“‘I don’t know! Come on! Give me a hint!’

“‘I don’t know if I can…’

“‘Oh, then his initials! Tell me his initials! Or just the first letter of his last

name or first name is fine, c’mon!’

“‘Hmm, well then, I guess I can do that.’

“‘For real?! Yes! So what’s the letter?’

“‘H.’

“‘Huh? Is that…me?’

“‘Huh? What’re you talking about? Of course not. What? Huh? That’s so

gross. Just stop.’

“‘Ah-ha-ha. Of course… I was just kidding.’

“‘Who in their right mind would… We’re done here, so I’m going.’

“‘O-okay…’ And as I was left alone in the classroom, I watched the

setting sun, tears rolling down my face. What’s more, when I went to school the next day, everyone knew about what had happened.”

“So it was about you, Hikki…,” Yuigahama mumbled awkwardly,

averting her eyes.

“Hey! Don’t be dumb. No one said it was about me! The first person was

just, y’know, a mode of storytelling.”

Ignoring my explanation, Yukinoshita let out an annoyed sigh. “It was

suspicious from the moment you said ‘a friend of a friend.’ You don’t have

any friends.”

“What?! You bastard!”

“Your trauma is irrelevant. What was your point?”

It wasn’t irrelevant. That incident had made the girls hate me even more

and had prompted the boys to start teasing me left and right, giving me the

nickname ‘Egogaya,’ and, well, I guess it was irrelevant.

I pulled myself together and went on.

“In other words, you know…guys are depressingly simple. We’ll get the

wrong idea if you do so much as talk to us, and just getting handmade

cookies is enough to make us happy. So…”

I paused and looked intently at Yuigahama. “Cookies that are nothing

special, sometimes gritty and not that good, are still good enough.”

“Ngh…! Shut up!”

Her face tinged red in anger, she threw everything she had at hand at me

—plastic bags, wax paper, and so on. How kind, to choose things that

wouldn’t hurt if they struck home. Huh? Does that mean she likes me? Haha, just kidding. I’m not going through that again.

“You really piss me off, Hikki! I’m leaving!” Yuigahama glowered at me,

grabbing her bag and standing. She turned her head away with a hmph and

began walking toward the door. Her shoulders were shaking.

Oh, crap, maybe I’d gone to far. I really wasn’t keen on the prospect of

nasty talk about me flying around the class again. I’d have to amend that

statement. “Look, it’s like…if you can get across the fact that you tried,

you’ll sway him.”

Yuigahama turned around at the door. The light was coming from behind

her, and I couldn’t see her face. “Would it sway you, Hikki?”

“Huh? Oh, I’m already swaying like crazy. I’m so bad, you just have to be

nice to me to make me fall for you. And hey, don’t call me Hikki!”

“H-hmph,” Yuigahama replied indifferently to my flippant remark before immediately looking away again. She put her hand on the door and moved to

leave.

Yukinoshita spoke to her back. “Yuigahama, what are you going to do

about your request?”

“I don’t care about that anymore. I’m gonna try doing it my own way next

time. Thanks, Yukinoshita.” Yuigahama turned around, smiling. “See you

tomorrow. Bye.” She waved and left for real this time, her apron still on.

“Is that really a good idea?” Yukinoshita mumbled, still looking at the

door. “I think that if you have room to improve, you should push yourself to

the limit. That would be better for her, in the end.”

“Well, that’s true. You’ll never betray yourself if you put in effort, but

you may end up betraying your dreams.”

“How are those two things different?”

The wind stroked Yukinoshita’s cheeks as she turned around, her two

braids swaying.

“Even if you do make an effort, your dreams won’t necessarily come true.

It’s actually more likely that they won’t. But the fact that you tried alone is

comforting.”

“That’s just something you tell yourself to feel better.”

“Even so, you aren’t betraying yourself.”

“You’re so naïve… It’s disgusting.”

“Both you and the rest of society are hard on me. I at least have to be kind

to myself. Everyone should pamper themselves more. If everyone’s a failure,

then no one’s a failure.”

“This is the first time I’ve ever seen someone argue pessimism as an ideal.

If your ideas were to become popular, the world would fall to ruin.”

Yukinoshita looked disgusted, but I was quite fond of my ideology. One day

I’d like to found Neetoria, a government of the NEETs, by the NEETs, for

the NEETs… I guess it would probably crash and burn within three days after

all.

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