Guilts

Jungkook felt so guilty.

He knows, even if he gives her everything he has,he will never have her forgiveness when she discovers he was the one who ruined her life.

Especially if she will know that he took advantage of her after he ruined her life.

He don't know what to do,he can't believe that he is that coward to face the consequences of his reckless acts because of his fury and eagerness to revenge for his brother.

A part of him wants to confess to her and pay for the punishment but a part of him wants to hide everything,love her and make her his wife and mother of his children.

He knows no secret can be kept forever but at the moment,he just want to spend his time with her.

He thought,he will think and face his punishment when time comes that his secret will unveil from her ,but at the moment he still can't find the courage to confess to her and face her wrath.

He just want to live with her,make her happy and love her,even if his guilt is eating him up.

When she accepted the money he transferred to her account he felt releived and he didn't care where she will spend it.

Somehow, a thought of her spending it to other guy hurted him,he tried to brush it away from his mind about the possibility,but he thought even so he will not complain or get mad at her because he owe her much more than she do to him.

He even thought of sending her a spy to know how she live or what she do everyday.

But a part of him didn't want to because, what if she has a family? or what if she is living with a jobless guy?it will only hurt him more, although a memory of her being too sensitive and very tight when he took her few days ago also still puzzled him.

Still his fear of getting hurted emotionally weighed more.So, he finally decided to not send her a spy or she may even hate her more if he monitored her or controlled her life.

Jungkook exhaled heavily and went back to his room,his brother Mathew was on the terrace with a new girl in his life.

It has been years since Mathew has survived from his darkest life,he has moved on from the heartbreak that Renee has caused him.

Jungkook was more enlightened when Mathew shared to him everything after he was discharged from the hospital years ago.

He told Jungkook that he has never met Lisa yet because Renee never let them met,but she usually mentioned Lisa to him and that he also never went to an apartment where Jungkook's men picked Lisa.

It was only Mathew whom Jungkook shared about what he did to the girl he mistakenly took as Renee.

Mathew felt so guilty so he told Jungkook to look for her and give her a good life and so that he will also ask forgiveness from her because, because if him she got punished and ruined.

He also told Jungkook that Renee wasn't even ****** when he took her, but even though he still loved her and gave her everything.So Jungkook has confirmed the one he took is certainly not Renee because the one he raped was a ******.

He even burned the bedsheet of his bed that time because it was full of her blood,he knows she shouldn't bled that much if he was gentle to her but because he was full of fury during that time,he showed no mercy and ravaged her like a monster.

Now Mathew has even married after two years and here's Jungkook still single and never looked at any woman after that incident.

It's not only because he was busy with his businesses but he couldn't forget her,she haunted him almost everynight.

He even thought, what if she committed suicide?What if she wasn't able to endure the painful memory of his monstrous acts or wasn't able to live in fear because of his threats that he will look for her and kill her or make her slave to his men?

Jungkook lived all those years full of guilt and it haunted him with the thoughts of her committing suicide because of him.

Now that he found her,he felt releived to know she was alive and she seems has moved on from that painful experience he gave her, although he has seen through her eyes that there was still heavy burden in those beautiful eyes.

When he recognized her that night his lust over her overpowered him than his conscience in making up with her.

Now he can't even face the consequences of his recklessness.

He wondered "how can I tell her I am a monster that ruined her years ago?how?"

(To be continued....)

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