fifth.

He lived closer to me than i anticipated. He was so close to me now that it was impossible to fall out of this river of emotions anymore. The sheer thrill of imagination i had in my mind for a while came true. The made-up story i had in mind came real. I didn't dream about him as often as i should considering my feelings grew significantly faster but whatever little things my mind made up for me i was happy over it. Happiness was truly one of the best things he had given me. The worst though came later. No matter how short-lived The joy was. If anyone was to ever question me whether i had the chance to go back and change my life it would never be my feelings i persevered towards him. For that pure naive bliss and love, I'd go through it hundred times again but only Lucas would do no one else.

One of these short-lived moments was when i saw him somewhere close to my house and also not in his formal college attire but something casual. Way too casual like tank top with shorts. I wasn't ready and it showed. It was like seeing him for the first time again. Our eyes met and i gaped at him, mouth hanging open and he took no notice of it. As i say, He never noticed me in any sense. Yet again, i thought i saw a glint of a smile on his face.

I graduated as a stalker. That was a joke. But it seemed like i was quite obsessed with him and the fact i now knew his house address didn't make things better. I imagined what his room could be like. (Almost ran over to his house to confess but thankfully didn't.) Did he read many books? did he have a room all for himself? Did he have posters of his favorite band on his walls? To worsen my need for love, I imagined myself there, in his bedroom reading a book, that had no name but It didn't matter, i seemed at peace, content with him sitting in his chair across the room. I saw him smile knowing i was looking at him. He looked at me with eyes so compassionate and deep i could get lost, and whispered those magical words knowing that it made me weak, it makes me surrender. That night i cried at the mere thought of being alone in my room.

I had invented such beautiful pictures of me being happy alongside him that i refused to be alone. I grew desperate. I needed to show him more directly that i liked him. how i was supposed to do it, i had no idea.

.

.

.

.

3:16 PM, present.

"luke isn't answering his calls," she spoke, worried. on the other hand, i don't care much. Luke isn't the type to engage himself in murder. Man has a tolerance level for eternity. But his girlfriend now ex i suppose on the other end... If i am right i think tonight that bi*ch is gonna lose herself, her only source of wealth.

"Becca, you know luke. He'll be fine." Nonetheless, her frown grew and worry stayed intact. Becca, who might look like a fugitive is actually a very sympathetic person. Not to mention, She grew up at a place where kindness and harmony were infused into her body to make her immune to all evil human types. Including me. That's how she is still here forgetting and forgiving me every time i lose my temper.

Something that makes her less of a deity is her attraction for luke. Though luke never once thought of dating her. In some sense, i liked watching her make a fool out of herself every time he was close to her. and also liked that the young guy is one day going to break her heart. I, in all sense, have a very fu*ked up of a spectrum of happiness. As her loving boss though, i ought to give her a heads up. I could've ignored it just like i did before with the other employees but Becca...

"Becca, it's showing." i shouldn't be saving her. I should be staying away from caring.

She frowned at me waiting for me to clear her confusion. "Your feelings towards luke... it's showing." I added irritated. i was going to do this later But i didn't want to see another me.

"Boss... i know you don't like the idea of romance but-"

"no buts, i hate romance. i think i made myself clear that your relationship out of this cafe is not my problem. but you fall in love with luke it's time to go." I felt bad. Despite my cold words, i felt bad for her aching heart.

"boss..." She sounded worse than i could imagine. A pang of fresh wound that i inflicted on both of us.

"Becca... " i called for her, not filtering out my emotions as i usually do. "do me a favor." I needed her to see sense. That guy though harmless but her feelings no. never.

"what is it?"

"Don't end up like me... keep your love hidden... it's for the best." This would be my last piece of advice to a person who i know would definitely fall for the trap. Do not fall for the trap. Do not admit to your feelings. Especially when you know very well those feelings are not appreciated or returned.

"I will... try."

With that, i allowed the tears to engulf me only to find that nothing happened. I was the same. I didn't feel any better nor did i feel worse. It hurts but my ability to cry out has been numbed. Instead, i leave the cafe in her care and grab a taxi back to my house.

There is no trying here. I knew her well enough to know that tomorrow the inevitable will happen and i felt sick already.

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***