THE COLLISION

The Collision

by George Ade

Once in the dim dead Days beyond Recall, there lived a blue-eyed Gazook

named Steve.

We refer to the Period preceding the Uplift, when the Candidate wearing

the largest collar was the People's Choice for Alderman.

A Good Citizen wishing to open a Murder Parlor needed a couple of Black

Bottles, a Barrel of Sawdust and a Pull at the City Hall.

When he opened up, he threw the Key in the River and arranged to have

the Bodies taken out through the Alley so as not to impede Traffic in the

Main Thoroughfares.

Twelve months every Year marked the Open Season for every Game from

Pitch-and-Toss to Manslaughter.

Any one in search of Diversion could roll Kelly Pool at 10 Cents a Cue in

the Morning, go to the Track in the Afternoon, take in a 20-round Scrap in

the Evening and then Shoot at the Wheel a few times before backing into

the Flax.

The Police were instructed to make sure that all Push-Cart Peddlers were

properly Licensed.

Steve roamed the Wide-Open Town and spread his Bets both ways from

the Jack.

When he cut the String and began to back his Judgment he knew no Limit

except the Milky Way. Any time he rolled them, you could hear

considerable Rumble.

All the Bookies, Barkeeps, Bruisers, and the Boys sitting on the Moonlight

Rattlers knew him by his First Name and had him tagged as a Producer

and a Helva Nice Fellow.

The Collision

by George Ade

Once in the dim dead Days beyond Recall, there lived a blue-eyed Gazook

named Steve.

We refer to the Period preceding the Uplift, when the Candidate wearing

the largest collar was the People's Choice for Alderman.

A Good Citizen wishing to open a Murder Parlor needed a couple of Black

Bottles, a Barrel of Sawdust and a Pull at the City Hall.

When he opened up, he threw the Key in the River and arranged to have

the Bodies taken out through the Alley so as not to impede Traffic in the

Main Thoroughfares.

Twelve months every Year marked the Open Season for every Game from

Pitch-and-Toss to Manslaughter.

Any one in search of Diversion could roll Kelly Pool at 10 Cents a Cue in

the Morning, go to the Track in the Afternoon, take in a 20-round Scrap in

the Evening and then Shoot at the Wheel a few times before backing into

the Flax.

The Police were instructed to make sure that all Push-Cart Peddlers were

properly Licensed.

Steve roamed the Wide-Open Town and spread his Bets both ways from

the Jack.

When he cut the String and began to back his Judgment he knew no Limit

except the Milky Way. Any time he rolled them, you could hear

considerable Rumble.

All the Bookies, Barkeeps, Bruisers, and the Boys sitting on the Moonlight

Rattlers knew him by his First Name and had him tagged as a Producer

and a Helva Nice Fellow.

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