Prologue

Prologue

**The cold and breezy night, the ringing sound of silence, the essence of life.

Life?

Am I really living? Or just barely surviving...

**

----

It's been exactly three weeks since Ciel signed her contract, she finally has a family to call her own. While me? I'm still here in Fantasia Orphanage, where I basically spent almost of my nineteen years of life. Growing up without a place to call home, seeing the other kids I grew up with being adopted.

I sometimes wonder, just what is wrong with me? Am I a bad child? Do I not have the qualities of being a good kid? I'm so tired of bidding goodbye, I'm so tired of smiling at them with jealousy in my eyes. I can't helped but to be jealous of Ciel, she was always the good kid in the orphanage, the kid who everyone loves. She almost signed lots of contracts, but gave up all of those to give the other kids a chance to have their own family. She's also the big sister of the house, she's fond of everybody.

I grew up with her, and also considered her the closest to be called my family. The only one who can handle my cold personality. She's basically a sister to me, but nevertheless all the envy inside me, I never hated her.

How are you, Ciel? I hope you are getting all the love you deserve.

"That's 48 cents." I felt the coldness of the air conditioner on my skin as I was struck in reality with the voice in front of me.

I handed the cashier my pay and she wrapped the slice of sandwich in a small plastic, then she handed it to me. I mumbled a thanks and bowed slightly before living the convenience store. I put on the hoods of my jacket when  I saw the drops of rain outside.

I looked up, the sky was gray and clouds are hiding the stars. I'm wearing two layers of clothes, but are still not enough to protect me from cold.

"How unfortunate of me." I looked side to side and found myself running towards a bus stop. I immediately stopped by the bench to sit, above me is a small roof preventing the rain drops. I keep my eyes straight ahead, but I am fully aware of the old woman beside me. I silently observed her while playing with the wrapper of the sandwich on my hand.

Wearing a maroon duster, a red scarf that hides the scar in the left side of her face, and a ragged slipper that are slightly soak in muds. She was minding her own business when a group of high school boys went our way.

I sniffled the smell of cigarette from them, they were eyeing me with malicious eyes even though I am fully covered in clothes.

"Hi miss" He catcalled, followed by a teasing whistle from one of them.

I was clearly uncomfortable until the old woman moved closer to me and glared at those dumbass.

"The **** is wrong with you old hag?"

Anger pushed me to hissed at them like a crazy person that made them back off and be weirded. I was glaring at their backs as they walk away. My attention got lost when I heard the woman's stomach rumbling in hunger.

I sighed, exhausted with all the unnecessary events happening in this life mine. While on the other hand, the bus stopped right in front of the bench, the sudden break causes the small puddle to splash a little. Oh wow, arrived at the perfect timing.

I was about to walk on the platform of the bus, but I stopped to turn back and handed the piece of sandwich to the old woman. She looked up with a hint of exhaustion in her eyes.

"Here." I offered.

She looked at me with a confuse face and asking if the sandwich is hers, I just answered her with a nod and a little smile. The side of her lips raised, her smile went up to her eyes. 'what a beautiful sight.' I mentally mumbled.

"Thank you, young lady," I thought that was all when she reached for her hand bag and put a moss agate bracelet on my wrist. Wow, what a beautiful color, it perfectly complimented on my skin.

"Oh?" That was me being shocked. This is actually my first time receiving a gift from someone.

"That's now yours," She paused to smile. "Consider this as a form of gratitude, because this sandwich is exactly what I need to ease my hunger."

I shared a laugh with her before we parted ways as the sun slowly rises once again up in the sky.

---

"May your new journey helps you find the right purpose."

Those were her last words to me before we separated ways exactly two hours ago, and here I am alone in this dark and lonely bedroom. It's past dinner time, the other kids are now downstairs having a blast. I knew that because their loud voices went through the wooden door.

The moon shines brightly and can be seen from the small window at the low ceiling. This abandoned room use to be our playroom when we were only the few kids, but now it basically became a stockroom for the old things that are no longer used, just like this old bed of mine; dusty, and too small for me to fit in.

The water on the glass reflected the only source of light above. I knew I am hurting but how weird  thatI couldn't feel a single thing.

It does not hurt physically but I don't know why tears keep running down my face. I was hopeless. I'm numb not because of the meds but because the pain was already too much.

It's been three months when I was diagnosed with a heart disease, my medication are too expensive for the foundation of the orphanage to cover up, I drop out college to work to support myself. Back then I was just sad because I'm now too old for a family to adopt me but adding up my sickness, I became hopeless, no one would ever want a child that are too expensive to take care, would they?

I'm feeling caged up inside of this orphanage, to the point that it was already too hard for me to breathe.

Now, tonight, at this moment I already made up my mind. To end all of this hardships.

The lined up bottle of medicines in front of me caught my attention, I poured all the pills left in every bottle and put them in my mouth.

I was planning to dry swallow them, but suddenly sobs and whimpers started to come out of my mouth as my tears fall down more aggressively. I am shaking while reaching out for the glass of water and swallow all of it.

I don't know but it crossed my mind to hold on this moss agate bracelet that was given to me earlier.

"My first and last gift." I whispered followed by a soft chuckles.

Not so long when I felt my heart tightened and felt a lump on my throat, I was gasping for air, and my tears did not helped at all.

This is it.

I'm still grateful to live my life despite of not finding its purpose at all. I'm happy to be able to put smile on the people close to my heart, while I am breaking into pieces.

All the painful side effects are now backlashing at me. I can't help but to put a sad smile on my face as my vision started to blur out quickly, the noise from outside are slowly fading in my ears, and finally the unconsciousness that ate up all of my senses, yet letting me feel all these pain in my chest.

May my heartache set me free..

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