I WANT TO EAT YOUR PANCREAS - 2.1

"Haven't you learned to listen properly when others are

speaking"

"I have that's why I'm listening properly right now."

"Then, what was I talking about?"

".Steamed buns."

"So you weren't listening! Lying is a no-no!"

She chided me like a kindergarten teacher. She - who

was tall for a girl - and I - who was short for a boy - were

almost of the same height. Truth be told, it was quite

refreshing to be admonished by someone while having to

look down slightly to face them.

"Sorry, sorry - I was thinking about something."

"Hm? Thinking about what?"

Her frown dissolved instantly, as though she had never

been upset in the first place. She pecked at me with curiosity

written all over her face. After putting a little distance

between us, I nodded slightly.

"Yeah, I've always been thinking about it, very

seriously."

"Oh! What's wrong?

"It's about you."

I didn't stop, and I didn't look in her direction - I was

careful to make it a very ordinary conversation, without any sort of dramatic atmosphere. Because that would make things serious and troublesome.

Cutting past the words I had planned to say next, she

as expected - responded in a troublesome manner.

Me? Huh, what, a love confession?! Wah! I'll get

nervous!"

.It's not that. Hey."

"Yeah"

"Is it really fine to spend the little remaining time you

have to live on something like tidying up the library?"

Having heard my very casual question, she tilted her

head to the side.

"It's definitely fine."

"I don't think so."

"Really? Then, what else should I be doing?"

"Well, don't you want to do something ike finding

your first love, or taking a beach hike overseas and deciding

where you want to spend your last moments?"

This time, she tilted her head to the other side.

"Hmm, it's not like I don't understand what you are

trying to say. For example, even Secret-Knowing-Classmate

kun has things he wants to do before he dies, right?"

. wouldn't say I don't, I guess."

"But right now, you aren't doing those things, even

though both you and I could die tomorrow. It's with this

understanding that both you and I carry on as we do, surely.

The value of catch and every day is the same no matter

what I did, to me, the value of today won't change. I had fum today, you know."

..I see."

Maybe it really was as she said. I was frustrated by her

declaration, but at the same time, I understood it.

Even I- like her in the near future - would certainly die

someday. Even though I couldn't tell when my time would come, it was the inevitable future. Perhaps I would even die before her.

As expected, the words of people who were aware of

their own demise had a certain depth to them. The views of the girl beside me stirred me up a little inside.Of course, what I thought didn't matter to her. Surely

there were many people that liked her, so it was natural that

she didn't have the time to be interested in someone like

me. As proof of that fact, boys wearing the soccer club

uniform were running from the direction of the school gate,

and they were all looking at her walking.

She recognised one of the boys running over, and she

waved her hand at him.

"Do your best!"

Thanks, Sakura!"

The soccer boys made refreshing smiles as they passed

by us. If I recalled correctly, he should have beena

classmate of mine, but he didn't give me a single look.

"He ignored Secret-Knowing-Classmate-kun. He better

watch out tomorrow!"

"It's fine, and you should stop. Because I don't mind."

I really didn't mind. She and I were polar opposites, so

it couldn't be helped that we would be treated diflerently by our classmate.

"Gah, that's precisely why you can't make any friends!"

"I know it's the truth, but you're too concerned about

It.

"Argh, that's precisely why!"

In the midst of our conversation, we had reached the

school gate. Our houses were in opposite directions from here on, so this was where I parted ways with her. What a real pity.

"Bye."

"Hey, about what we talked about earlier."

I, who was turning away without any hesitation, was

stopped by her words.

She made a cheerful face, as though she had suddenly

thought of something. I realised that I've never really

expressed any sort of cheerfulness on my face.

"If I had to choose, I'd use the little remaining time of

my life to help Secret-Knowing-Classmate-kun."

"What do you mean?"

"Are you free on Sumday?"

"Ah, sorry, I have a date with my cute girlfriend. She'll

be hysterical if I leave her alone, so I can't."

"That's a lie, right?"

"And if it is?"

"Okay, so we'll meet at 11 AM in front of the station!

r'll bring along the Disease Coexistence Journal' too!"

Having said that, without at all having asked for my

acknowledgement, she waved her hand while walking in the

opposite direction from my home.

The sunmer sky behind her was still orange and pink,

and tinged most slightly with an ultramarine finish, it

showered us with its fading glow.

Without returning the gesture, I once again turned ny

back to her and began to head home.

In the absence of her blusterous laughter, I continued

to walk that familiar path home as the warm hues of the

dying day made way for the evening blue. Surely, my view of

the road home was different from hers.

Id most probably continue walking on this road until I

graduated.

How many more times would she get to walk on the

same road?

But it was true - just as she said, even I wouldn't know

how many more times I would get to walk on this road. As such, the roads we walked weren't so different.

I brought my linger to the side of my neck and made

certain that I was alive.

Taking each step to the beat of myheart, my mood was ruined as I felt my transient life tremble against my will.

The evening breeze blew against me, distracting me

from my thoughts.

Just a little, I started to look forward to our outing on

Sunday.

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