I Want To Eat Your Pancreas

I WANT TO EAT YOUR PANCREAS

We were in the archive of the school library.

While arranging the books on those dusty shelves our duty as library committee members Sakura Yamauchi made an odd confession.

Though I was thinking of simply ignoring it, the only ones in the vicinity were her and myself.

Since talking to oneself would be a little bizarre, it must have been directed at me.

It couldn't be helped - I responded to her, who was facing another bookshelf with her back to mine.

"Have you suddenly been awakened to cannibalism?"

She took a large breath and promptly choked on some dust, coughing a few times to clear her throat.

Only then did she start to explain, her voice tinged with a sense of triumph.

I didn't turn to look at her.

"I saw it on TV yesterday - if someone in the past had a part of their body that wasn't well, they would eat the corresponding part of another animal."

"What about it?"

"Eat liver if your liver is unwell, eat stomach if your stomach is unwell - it seems they believed that doing so would cure their illness. That's why “ I want to eat your pancreas."

"Could it be that the your' you mentioned is referring to me"

"Who else could it be?"

She giggled without looking my way, seemingly engaged in her work. I could hear the slam and rustle of hardcover books being arranged.

"My little organ could never bear the burden of something like saving you."

"Seems like the pressure's starting to make your stomach hurt, huh."

"That's why you should find someone else."

"Then who should I find? Even someone like me wouldn't consider eating my family."

She giggled again. As for me, since I was calmly and diligently carrying out my task, I would've liked for her to take her work seriously too.

"In confusion, there's no one else I can depend on but Secret-Knowing-Classmate-kun."

"So while coming up with your plans, you haven't considered the possibilty that I too need a pancreas?"

"But it's not like you even know the function of a pancreas."

"I do."

I knew about it - that seldom-mentioned organ. I'd read up on it before.

Naturally, she jumped at the Opportunity.

[ heard her breathing and her footsteps behind me, and knew that she had excitedly turned around.

Staying angled to the bookshelf, I took just a momentary glance. Behind me was a sweaty girl, flashing a smile that no one would've expected from the terminally ill.

Even though we were in the era of global warming and it was already July, someone had neglected to switch on the air-conditioner; I was sweaty too.

"Could it be possible that you've read up on it?"

Her voice echoed a little, and I, who didn't have a choice, answered her question.

"The pancreas aids in digestion and energy production.

For example, it creates the insulin that's used to tum sugar into energy.

Without the pancreas, people would be unable to obtain energy and die. That's why I can't let you feast on my pancreas. Sorry."

Having said everything I wanted to say, I returned to my task. She was roaring with laughter.

Receiving my jokes like that had become a little speciality of hers, though this felt a little different.

"Who would've thought Secret-Knowing-Classmate-kun has really taken an interest in me, huh."

Well, there's no exhausting the interest in classmates that suffer from serious illnesses."

"I don't mean it that way. What about me as a person?"

".Who knows."

"What's up with that!"

She burst out into laughter once again.

The adrenaline from the heat must have made her weird in the head.

I was worried about my classmate's condition.

We quietly continued our work, until the teacher in charge of the library came calling for us.

Somehow or other, it seemed like the time for the library to close had arrived.

We marked our progress sorting by pulling a book sightly out of line, alter which we checked for forgotten items and left the archive.

Leaving behind the sweltering heat of the archive, our sweat-soaked bodies shivered as we were reacquainted with the cool library air.

"It's cold!"

She cheerfully spun around, entered the library reception counter, and wiped the sweat off her face with a towel conjured from her bag. I followed vaguely in her footsteps and began drying my own drenched body.

"Good work. We're already closed, so take your time.

Here, have some tea and snacks."

"Woah, thank you!"

"Thank you."

After taking a sip of the barley tea that Seusei had brought out, I took another look at the library. It was true - there wasn't a single student left.

"The steamed bun's delicious!"

The girl who pointed out every single positive thing was relaxing on the chair inside the counter. With a steamed bun in one hand, I dragged out a chair that was a little distance away fronm her and sat down too.

"Sorry for getting you two to help out, even though tests begin next week."

"Don't wory about it, it's okay. We're the kind that always get pretty average scores. Right? Secret-Knowing- Classmate-kun."

" Well, if we listen during cass, I guess so.

I made an appropriate response and took a bite of the steamed bun.

It was delicious.

"Have the both of you begun thinking about university?

What about you, Yamauchi-san?"

"I haven't really thought about it I mean, there's still time."

"What about you, Adult-Like-Student-kun?"

I haven't thought about it cither."

"That's no good you've got to think about it properly, Secret-Knowing-Classmate-kun!"

She held out her second steamed bun in her hands while making that unnecessary commient.

I ignored her and took another sip of my barley tea.

The taste of the faniliar, widely-available barley tea was delicious.

"So the both of you haven't really thought about the future, eh? If you continue being lazy, you'll be the same age as me before you know it."

"Ahaha, there's no way that's going to happen!"

While the two of them aughed merily, I kept a straight face. I mumched on my steamed bun and drank nıy barley tea. It was as she said. There was no way that would happen.

It was impossible for her to beccome the same age as our teacher, who was in her forties.

In this place, it was something only the girl and I knew, which was why she had winked at me and laughed.

It was as though she were one of those actors from American films that winked when they told a joke.

But just to be clear, the reason I didn't laugh wasn't because of how ill-conceived her joke was. It was because of that proud lace she made whenever she thought she had said something interesting - it was borderline mental.

Annoyed that I remained expressionless, she frowned at me. Having secn that, the edges of my lips finally curved up slightly.

After staying in the library for about an extra half an hour, we began to head home.

When we got to the shoe lockers, it was already 6 PM.

Despite this, we could still hear the ruckus made by sports club members as they gave their all nder the equally relentless sun.

"Wasn't the archive hot?"

"Yeah.

"We still have to do this again tomorrow., huh. But at least tomorow's the last school day of the week."

Ycah."

".Are you listening?"

"I am."

I swapped my indoor shoes for my loafers and left

through the hatch aligned with the lockers.