The feeling of being the only one sitting in the room...
The feeling of being the "known, but unknown"
The feeling of having a lot of friends but never being close with them
.
It's my forever, unwanted feelings.
Capable, smart, caring, and skilled in academics.
Why? What's missing?
What's missing for me to have others who reach out when they feel burdened?
What's missing for me to have close friends?
What's missing for me to have someone I can rely on?
I thought it was all fine.
I started brushing everything off.
But it's still there.
The unwanted feeling of being left out.
It's still there.
But why? Why?
That's the only question I have.
Choosing your 0-year friendship over a 3-year friendship with mine?
Is that it?
Is that how you're supposed to treat your friends? Is that it?
Was I just a time pass?
Do I seem unimportant to you?
Why can't I just be normal?
Why can't I just have close friends?
Was it because of my financial status?
Was it because of the level of my intelligence?
Was it because I don't know how to answer your question most of the time?Was it because I'm awkward?
Was it because I'm not fun to talk to?
But how...
How am I supposed to know...?
I thought it was all fine until that feeling started sinking in.
I thought it was all fine.
Known, yet soooo unknown.
Always the "Can you help me with this?" "Can you teach me this?" "Can I ask how to solve this?"
But never the "You know what, I have a story for you. It might be boring, but so what??! Haha! I'm still sharing it with you because you're my friend" "Come with me! Let's hang out!" "Let's eat together?" or "Wanna hang out, bro?"
And never the "You okay?"
Academically smart, emotionally smart, but maybe... socially dumb.
Does the problem lie with me?
Despite being open?
Despite always helping people out?
Despite being the one who put others first?
Despite always being open for help?
Yes. Despite being myself and never fake.
.
The feeling of being the only one sitting inside a room full of people standing and chatting with their friends.
It will always be my unwanted feelings.
I prefer being alone, not feeling alone.
