Loving My Twin
Idris
It was all started when he was emotionally broken down but yet he is acting like he doesn't.
I knew my father said something to upset him. I can't blame my twin brother for being so responsible and try to fix my parents, he is more afraid than I'm that they would be separated. He is doing this for years and I wonder how couldn't he give up already. I thought we could fix them, all parents fight. We hoped they will see what they had, we hoped they still love each other and they aren't separated just for our sake. But it so hard for everyone in our home. One second it is a happy moment and it made us feel like we would have really lucky to born in a home full of happiness but the next moment we wish we shouldn't be born in this family. I know he feels the same, and he shuts everyone out he doesn't want to hurt anyone with his temper or show the hurt and pain that is killing him inside. He thinks it's his pain to bear, not anyone else.
How long he can do that? Wasn't he needs himself for him? For me?. I hate seeing him in pain. He forgave my father and my mother but he can't forgive himself for what would have happened to me in my childhood if he was late. It's not his mistake, he said when you are in pain all the dark memories cloud you until it completely consumes you, I can tell how true it is, watching him locked in a room and not willing to share the pain he is bearing for a decade. I can't let him do this, I was pacing from kitchen to living room nervously. If I can tell one thing for sure he is not weak to make any bad decisions, so suicide will never be his option. Does he have to endure everything even if it's not his fault? I'm checking the clock every now and then. It's been only 10 mins since he talked to father, but it feels like hours to me. My heart is pounding not knowing our father said, what had happened in the home, what made my twin brother so sad, it took me back to the days when we were so afraid that one of the parents should be ended up dead when we woke up, the thought alone forming nausea in my throat. I shook my head it will not happen they have changed a lot, we don't go back to those dark days, at least I hope we don't. I have to stop thinking about all the overthinking things. I don't have the guts to call home and know what happened or dare to ask my father what he said. I cannot spend another minute pacing the hallway we share with our rooms. Before I know, I'm standing in front of his room. I wanted to knock and know he is okay. But instead of knock I leaned to the door and try to listen to anything. It is awfully quiet, my mind thinking about all the negative possibilities again, part of me telling me to go inside and comfort him like he always does. I hesitate, each second is passing feel like forever. I composed myself before knocking, still nervous. I don't want him to see in pain, seeing him in pain is killing me. It wouldn't have hurt much if I didn't love him so much, he is everything to me, he has done everything to me even I didn't do anything to him. I silently closed my eyes thinking of the moment us talking, sharing everything, how supportive he was when I needed it, how caring he was, how strong he was, how he always made me smile even I went through hell. All the happy moments of us flooded in my mind, a smile came to the corner of my lips. It gives the strength to knock on the door. I knocked, there is no movements or sound from inside. I knocked again and still, nothing came out. All at once I started to panic I'm again started to imagine all the bad things in the whole time, did something already happened to him?, Has he already done something to himself? By thinking of such things makes me die I can't live without him, not even a second. Even if he didn't feel the same way as me, I can't imagine a life without him. But part of me hopes that's not something Jack would do. He is determined and brave. My knees became weak the longer I wait for the door to open. I was about to fall, the door swung open and a hand caught me before I fell to the ground. The black t-shirt, skinny Jeans, and messy hair make him look even more handsome. I threw myself at him, caught him off guard, I feel like there is a heavyweight on my shoulder lifted and I breathe out relief, I don't know I was holding it.
"Idris, are you okay?" Jack asked completely confused.
"I'm okay, what happened to you?" The last words barely left my lips.
"Nothing," he said when he hugs me and put me on the floor before he let me go.
"I was worried that you locked yourself in, can't you just open the door when I first knocked," I asked half furious half worried
"What happened to you? You look like shit!" He said while reaching the living room and turning his back to me.
I followed him, "I was...just... worried about you" I stuttered.
He stopped and quiet for a few seconds, then resumed walking. He still didn't answer my question. When I ask again, he opened his mouth to say "nothing".
I'm so frustrated by him hiding things from me and enduring. But he has already in enough pain I don't want to put him in much more. I slowly moved towards him. I want to comfort him, I want to make him feel he deserves to be happy more than anyone. I want him to understand that just for once he should stop worrying about others and start living his life. There were only inches between us, I'm standing behind him. I leaned towards his back, my heart is pounding out of my rib, but I ignore it for a moment. When he doesn't move I moved my arm under his arm to hug him tightly. I can sense his shoulder tightens, I didn't move I put my face on his back, rubbing it on his t-shirt, feeling the softness of the cloth. After a few seconds, his hands touched my hands only to remove them. He turns himself to me, facing me when his both hands holding my both. My breath fastens.
His hands move from my wrist to arm then shoulder to finally land on my neck, his other hand still holding my right hand. I put my hand on him, he is staring at me like I'm someone who he hasn't seen before. I'm looking at him and pleading in my eyes to open up to me, I'm willing to share his pain, I'm willing to reduce his burden. He leans closer and bends to my level. He put his forehead to mine. He sniffed, and then before I realize it, he lifts my chin up and kisses me very softly, I felt his reddish-pink lips on mine. His left hand moved to my waist to hold me in the same place. I'm sure I'm blushing, I never expect him to behave like this, there are thousands of questions running in my mind, he is kissing me because he wants to? Or he kisses me because he is sad? Does he know he is my first kiss? Sure, he doesn't. Does he feel the same way as I feel? But I have ignored all the questions in my mind. I want to remember every part of it and enjoy it while it lasts. I kissed him back, with all I have. I want this kiss to last. After a good fifty seconds of the kiss, his lips left mine, as soon as it left my lips, I already started missing him, his hand still on my neck and back.
I want to last this moment, But the selfish part of me wants to kiss my twin brother. I lean to kiss him, this time he parts my lips with his tongue and massages mine. He closed the inches between us and I can feel him getting excited on my stomach. All I want this moment to freeze but how much I wish, I knew it won't last. So, I decided to savor each and every moment of the kiss, and the way I'm pulling his hair, playing with it, I wonder why he didn't get temper when I touched his head, and my knees going weak just by kissing him. He hugged me and buried his head in my hair when he kissed me twice today.
He hugged me so tightly I can't breathe and I don't want him to loosen the grip either. I buried my face in his shoulder as I'm already on fire.
I do not dare to say anything to ruin whatever going on. Part of me wants him to know I don't love him as just my brother. I love him more than he could ever think.
He finally broke the silence and said "I love you, Idris, I love you so much".
At first, I felt like I'm frozen I couldn't move after I heard those words from him, but the realization hit me he used to say he loves me all the time, he didn't mean it romantically which disappoints me and questioning what does it mean that happens to us within the last 5 min. Even if he feels like that, I would be happy to at least comfort him, making him feel better.
I said, "I love you Jack, more than you could ever imagine." And I mean it every word.
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Comments
shinchan
🙂
2024-01-05
0
R0T3M
is that gonna be some "sweet home alabama" shit?
2022-09-02
0
~Queen_N👑
Honestly I don't F**King Care If It's Her Own Brother or Anyone Else Cuz I Love Forbidden Romance And Trust Me I Really Really Really Really Fan Of Forbidden Bad Romance 🙈🙈 Don't Judge Me Okay 🥺 I'm Innocent Soul Anyway (*´ω｀*)
2022-08-30
2