Today love is on my side, I hope so. Someone just crossed since the recess bell rang. I met a student 2 years younger than me, who recently became the main character in my monotonous story. Tall manly figure, sharp gaze alluring. And sweet black skin adds to its beauty. The name is written clearly on his clothes, I never tire of reading. "Deity, look at your task, is that okay?" said a female classmate.

A burning feeling in the heart, when someone says his name. Not jealous, just nervous. "Take it yourself in the bag" answered the god of ignorance. His eyes were looking at me while moving his legs alternately. Each step increased the speed of the heartbeat that grew louder and louder. Until we face each other. Something I never expected from someone as cold as him. With a beautiful smile that he had, he stroked my head slowly. From his perspective right now, I'd probably be as red as a tomato. Glances of envy shrouded clearly around us. A sad look from one of her classmates. Just my guess, I think the girl standing in front of class 10 multimedia 3 likes God.

We sat in the gazebo behind the language room which for the past 3 days has been a meeting place during recess. Just a light conversation and trying to get to know better. 

"You, after this folder what?" I asked nervously. Unlike usual I always talk a lot, in front of him, I don't know why. Maintaining the image as a feminine woman is important.

"Basic programming" he replied casually. A soft voice that has always been a favorite sound since the first time I heard it. Opium, maybe that's the most appropriate word. I nodded in understanding, then silence…

"Wanna go home together?" he offered looking into my eyes. Instantly I turned my face away, refusing eye contact with him.

Nodding my head in agreement.

.....

The school bell rang, all the students left the classroom and headed for the gate. I saw the woman who had wanted to talk to God. "If I'm not mistaken, his name is defending," my monologue was quiet.

They walked to the front of the toilet which was not far from their class. Hurriedly I turned my way to the stairs right below them. Go up a little more until their conversation is clear. "Wa, to be honest, I've liked you for a long time" I defended. My eyes widened in shock. It's true that I didn't know her that long ago, and the rumors about her liking gods… Turned out to be true. The first time I felt guilt.

"Ever since you came home to pick me up, I've been thinking about you all the time"

I leaned my back against the parapet of the stairs. "Sometimes I like to cry when I remember you" Continue to defend. Without thinking I went down the stairs holding back the tears that could fall at any time. I decided to go home first.

15 minutes passed, I just got home. I opened my cellphone, 5 missed calls from Dewa and a message asking where I was.

"sorry, I'll go home first' I replied, not long after the incoming call revealed Dewa's name. 

At first I was hesitant to answer but really I hope to get clarity from what happened earlier. After being raised, there was no conversation whatsoever until he spoke up. 

"I want to say something"

"Why?" I replied

"We are just friends," he said. From his tone there was no doubt at all. When the person you used to like comes back, it's only natural like this.

"Why?" I said trying to stem the tears that were already on the edge.

"I want to focus on studying, you also have to focus on studying, right? It's already in grade 12"

"Are you sure?"

"Continue your drawing hobby," he added

Immediately I turned off the phone because I do not want to be heard by him crying. A voiceless cry that is so heartbreaking. Can't remember the time until finally fell asleep in exhaustion. Heartbreak that shouldn't have happened so soon.

One week passed. I know he regrets his decision. I know he still expects me again. I know he misses me. I do too, even more than he knows. I go to school as usual. Only this time I avoided eye contact with anyone. I always walk with my head down and away from my classmates. Unlike people who can hide their sadness, I can actually cry anywhere. The school bell rang 10 minutes ago but I was still sitting in class by myself.

There's nothing I can do. Just daydreaming and remembering the figure of a lover who now I can no longer call mine. I buried my face staring at the table. When the tears that have been the umpteenth time fall. Suddenly someone rubbed my head. Suddenly I saw the owner of the hand. The person I really want to hug. Yet he had caused this wound. Instantly the mind and heart can not align. I'm fixated in front of him. He just looked down and didn't dare to look at the sharp eyes.

"I want to go back" he said. My head tilted up by itself. For the umpteenth time these tears fell. But this time. The happiness I feel. There is still a chance.

Finally my mind and heart are in sync again. I hugged him tightly "Yes" I replied. No matter how far he goes. As long as my name and his are written parallel in destiny to be together. I'm sure he will come back to me.

...~End~...

That day, I fell in love with someone. Friendly young man with brown skin. Slightly curly hair and ideal height. His persuasion opens the mind that has been lacking for a long time. Dissolving the gap of sorrow that has been gnawing at the heart for a long time.

Nothing special from the meeting. It's just that this heart admires the way he looks at other people. The way to appreciate God's fellow creatures. His sincere eyes shine every time he helps people.

His laugh bit the lips that were initially gloomy. Every day I am more and more impressed with his figure. Unknowingly. I have fallen in love. I can't explain why I like it.

After work. I drove the bike to the station. Bought 1 ticket to Yogyakarta. The city where he is. Even though it was only 5 days ago that we parted, but this longing has made me want to meet.

Even though I already know. That rejection on that day is absolute and cannot be disturbed. The day I declared my love. Telling the hopes that you want to achieve with him. Explain how important he is.

That moment. There is only me with him. At the cafe where I work. The clock is already 2 am. The atmosphere is quiet. Only decorative wall lights accompany. I looked into his eyes with sincerity. Express what is the purpose.

But dear. Only an apology was received. Repeated apologies followed by the deep regret he felt. And selfishly I asked for time to get his heart.

Although it has been explained dozens of times not to hope. But this ambition continues to burn. With the stupid mind that can have it, I keep letting my heart fall too deep. Until my world seems to be only about him.

I was confused thinking what if what I did was wrong. But in his city, I can sit next to him, even sleep on his lap. Listen to the stories he brings. Until it made me feel justified in what I did. Until the day comes when I have to go back to my city.

Satisfaction has been obtained, but what is sought is achievement. When I can have it. Maybe not yesterday. I think But, time passed, this relationship is still as usual. I'm still hoping, and he's just appreciating. Until the moon began to change.

Tears have been shed for a long time. Self-esteem may be gone. I was really too deeply in love with his figure, until I forgot about everything. Then came the day when there was no news. He stopped replying. My chest was tight to hold back the uncontrollable crying. It feels almost crazy. Did I really lose it?. My struggle all this time in vain?.

No!!

I haven't even gotten to have it

Struggle?

He even rejected me from the beginning

My mind is very messed up. I started to lose control. Stupidly doing things that are considered inappropriate for a woman. Without it, it's really empty. Deep sadness makes me lose my mind. Over time, I realized that I really loved him. He has this whole heart. My intention to contact him again has decreased.

The ambition to have it slowly began to change. It's not about his heart anymore. But about how happy it is. Letting myself not bother him anymore. Even though my heart hurts, I'm also happy to let go.

I'm sure he feels free and happy. And I will gladly go. It's nice to be able to do everything I can as well as I treat myself. Maybe even better. The decision is still up to him. I can't even interfere with the contents of his mind and heart. If there is a deeper word than love. Maybe that can describe this feeling. Sincerity by still loving him in silence. Until the time where he and I find the right figure for each other.

Indeed, forgetting is not as easy as putting your heart into it. But slowly. All passed. There is always a place for him. But hope. Maybe it's gone. Just wondering what he always misses every day.

Na, isn't that your surprise?"

That sentence just came out of Lauren's mouth when the girl stared out my classroom window. Suddenly I turned to him and glared at him.

"Don't be loud!" I said, "You're embarrassing you know!"

"Don't worry, Nana. After all, there aren't many people in this class," he answered casually.

"How can you relax when you talk that loud!” I replied annoyed, "What if he hears?"

"Jeez, Ariana! Do you know what floor this class is on? Besides, the window is closed, so my voice won't be heard outside."

There is some truth to what Lauren said. My class is on the seventh floor and of course, in a classroom with closed windows Lauren's loud voice cannot be heard outside. The kid won't be able to hear it.

"That's coach Deva, right?" asked Freddy.

"That is true. Coach your basketball team right, Fer?” continued Kevin.

My emotions started to rise to hear the two friends talking about the same person that Lauren and I were talking about.

"Hey, you two guys! You don't have to join me!" I said.

"Break? Who's joining in? That's the coach of my basketball team," said Ferdi while adjusting the position of his glasses.

"Yes, right!" added Kevin, "Besides, we don't care about love affairs—"

"You don't need to explain, OK?" I interrupted.

The boy with the white Beats hanging around his neck giggled softly, while Ferdi just shook his head while stroking his chest.

"Astgafirullohaladzim,” said Ferdi in his speaking style when he became a mentor at the Friday night recitation held by the DKM mosque of my campus,

"Why are the sisters so fierce?”

I took a deep breath, calming my frustration. God, why do I get so emotional every time I see or hear that figure mentioned?

“Well, you'd better hurry to the studio now,” Lauren scolded, “Look, it's already one fifteen. Do you want to be late for the broadcast?”

I glanced at the clock on the wall in my classroom. The long hand points right at three o'clock, while the short hand stops at one. Unlucky! I have to leave soon or I'll be late and get scolded by my program director.

Ah, I have to go now! I said while packing the books into my bag, "And you guys, don't forget to request. Remember, requests!”

“White Shoes And The Couples Company!” Kevin exclaimed, “Hum Sorry”

“Okay! Saved request!” I replied.

I ran out of the classroom and just before I reached the end of the corridor, I immediately ran back to my classroom. The people in class were surprised by my sudden return.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Don't talk about Deva!" I insisted.

"Ge er!” said Ferdi, “Okay, you better hurry up”

"Yes. I'm waiting for my request song to play!” added Kevin.

After making sure that Deva's name would not circulate in the conversation of the rest of the class, I immediately headed for the radio station where I work. Gosh, it's only one o'clock but the streets are already busy with vehicles milling about on the highway. Hopefully I won't get stuck in the traffic jam that I usually encounter on Cihampelas street.